Happy Monday everyone!! I am totally refreshed after a great weekend and ready for a productive week in the office. Still feeling a little buried but not so bad! One thing that has really helped my productivity levels lately is an app called Swipes. It’s a continuous to-do list app where you can add items every day. When you’ve finished a task, just swipe right and it disappears from your list. It’s sort of like Tinder for your to-do list! haha. But really. It’s changed the game.
Anyways, on to today’s post! I get asked this sometimes and I think about it often – how can Tyler and I separate work time together from quality time together? What is the difference? How can we get a good balance of both? Quality time is something that is SO important to me in our marriage and sometimes finding that is a struggle. Because we work together, we may spend a 10-12 hour day together shooting a wedding, but I don’t consider that quality time. Which begs the question, what exactly is quality time?
Deep conversations. PHONE FREE. One on one. Making memories.
Now that our wedding season is mostly over, we actually have free weekends – something we haven’t had all summer. The question is, how do we spend this oh-so-valuable free time?
You see, we have totally different ideas of a perfect Saturday. Picture a beautiful, warm, sunny Saturday with nothing on the agenda. His perfect day goes like this: golf 18 holes in the morning. Work on some home improvement projects in the afternoon. Fire up the grill for dinner. Watch a movie. Typical guy, right?? Of course. Nothing wrong with that at all. However, my ideas are much different. My perfect day goes like this: Drive to the mountains in the morning. Spend the day in the sunshine exploring, swimming, capturing beautiful photos and video, and enjoy the solitude of being in the mountains. Come home. Get cleaned up. Go on a date.
Of course, when you marry someone, you don’t expect them to be exactly like you. Of course, there will be differences. Of course, you must compromise. (obvi)
But, when you’re a people pleaser like I am, it’s hard to take charge and demand things be done your way. I almost always fall back and allow us to spend time the way Tyler chooses because it’s easier and more low-key. This leaves me terribly passive aggressive and upset for not doing what I wanted. How annoying am I, like really?? I offer to do things one way and get upset when it happens. I am the worst.
So where is the balance? How can this problem be solved? Here are a few things I’ve gathered from the past two years of marriage.
1. Make a Plan
Don’t wake up on Saturday morning and be like “what should we do today??”. If you really want to do something, plan it! Look at your calendar at the beginning of each month, write in your prior weekend commitments, and plan from there. Golf tournament one weekend, hiking next. You are far more likely to follow through with plans if they are made weeks in advance.
2. Find Something You Both Love
This is the key!! For me, golf is no fun. For Tyler, hiking is no fun. BUT, there are things that we both love to do. Camping, taking photos, being creative, playing with the pup, spending time with family. Incorporating these things had helped us so much! Make a list of things you like doing together. and make a goal to do at least one per week.
3. Be Happy for One Another
Real talk: my husband loves golf. Like, a lot. So much that he probably he calls is his “mistress”… He could spend 8 hours on the golf course and not be one bit bored. But here’s the thing – it makes him SO happy. He’s like a giddy little schoolgirl when he gets home. I can’t help but be happy too. I’m pretty fortunate to have a husband that is so passionate about something and has such a great time doing it. That’s what marriage is all about, right? Putting someone else’s happiness before your own. So the fact that golf makes Tyler so happy, makes me happy.
Marriage isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, but it’s entirely up to you to determine how often it will be. Having a built-in best friend to do everything with is pretty great, even though we are very different. But how lame would life be if we were exactly the same?? I wouldn’t change a single thing.
So, for all you married, engaged, or even dating couple out there – make room in your schedule for that quality time together. It will come second to none.
Thanks so much for reading this rant you guys!! Leave a comment below with your favorite way to spend quality time.